Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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