I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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