If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
