I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
