It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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