I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
