Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
