my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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