We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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