I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
