1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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