he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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