I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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