That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
