Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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