I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
