I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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