she woke up with a sticky ear
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
