Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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