she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
