I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Randomize
