stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
