If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
