pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize