So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
