Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
