True but thats because hes a fetus.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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