It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
