why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
