i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
