My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
