the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
