I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
