Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
