well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
