How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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