A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love you. Go after that dick
Come on in and take your pants off
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