So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
