All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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