i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner