I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success