Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she told me i tasted like america
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.