How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
