Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?