I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party