I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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