You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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