you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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