I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
