Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
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We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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