Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
