just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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