this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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