so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
