You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
