At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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