Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
