Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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