We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
