You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
