Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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