i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
