video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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