Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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