shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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