Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
