I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
