hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Two words: blizzard sex
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
