i would punch a child for taco bell
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
