he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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