You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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