i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
