guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
