I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
