Already got asked if we're dating
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
