i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize