Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
40s are totally the cure
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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