I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Randomize
