My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Randomize
