Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
