I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
