The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
