Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
