Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
