I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
