he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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