whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
