Already got asked if we're dating
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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