we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
