I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
