The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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