At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
