OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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