8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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