sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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