youre lurking in front of me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
