its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
